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R U experienced? ~ A Russian's experience ~ experiences of Natasha, alias Kaathyayani

   R U experienced? ~ A Russian's experience ~ experiences of Natasha, alias Kaathyayani

   Natasha is a Russian lady who was one of the seven Russians who visited the peetam. Given below is her narration about her interactions with Swami who had given her the name, Kaathyayani. She relates her experiences here.

   "The door to my spiritual world opened about three years back (1999) when I started realizing that in spirituality lies the true world of every human being. Caught in the turmoil of the communist world, the environment in Russia for the last century or so was not conducive to the spread of spiritual awareness among the people. Recent changes have given a chance for the people to have the freedom of liberal thinking. In this atmosphere, teachings of Sathya Sai Baba, Reiki and Yoga have slowly started kindling the interest of people leading to spiritual awareness.

   My first step in this direction was Reiki. In Moscow, I went to a teacher to learn Reiki. This system is so simple and wonderful. It fosters and develops the positive energy lying dormant in a person. On the second day itself, this wonderful, subtle and sensitive energy further kindled my spiritual quest. I realized there is something very beautiful in spiritualism and at all cost, I must turn my life in this direction. This led me to the Sathya Sai Seva organization in Moscow. The initial exposure I had, helped me decide that Sai Baba and India should be my first step in the journey of spiritual discovery. Prior to this, I had exposure to Buddhism. But I was not prompted to move deeper towards that path, though I had a few very good experiences.

   "I came to India in the end of 1999 and stayed on till January 2000. My very first darshan of Sai Baba made me feel that I have indeed reached the right destination in spiritualism and India is my place. Baba's world of spiritualism instantly occupied my heart. I came back in December 2000 to learn and experience more and jumpstart my new spiritual life. It was as if, I started becoming spiritually hungry. Since my level of understanding was slow and could not keep up with my relentless eagerness, I needed easier access and closer proximity to the source of energy and wisdom. So, even after I reached Baba, I was still searching. Something within told me that I needed more woman energy. In terms of Indian spiritualism, it is known as Shakthi, Bagavathi, the Divine Mother, the fountainhead from where I can get self energy and uninhibited love, which I needed to develop within. Probably, this seeking within me brought me and six other Russian friends to the peetam.

   "My first meeting with Swami was a very beautiful moment. One look at his beautiful eyes and I knew I have met The Divine Mother I had been seeking. Language and translation were not a barrier to receive love and compassion from a Mother. Even today, it is this divine energy of love that gives me all types of different experiences, not the miracles nor the events nor rituals though these serve the purpose of charging and energizing the atmosphere. As a matter of interest and to learn, I always ask and get to know things, so that I can be a part of the Bagavathi family.

   "When I started meeting everyone that is part of the one big family of the Divine Bagavathi, I felt I have seen many of the faces somewhere. Though meeting them for the first time, all of them looked very familiar to me as though I have known them for a long time. I firmly believe these are my acquaintances from my previous birth, because my heart and soul sincerely believe there exists a close bonding. When Swami revealed our past janma and said it was with Sadguru Gnanananda in the Jyothir mutt in Badrinath, I was thrilled by the revelation. Since then, my soul has been feverishly trying to search and establish this connection with my Guru, through my ipner energy, and know about my previous birth. I am not yet successful. I made a trip to Tapovanam on the first day of the aradhana of Gnanananda. It is a beautiful place with wonderful energy. But I could not establish a connection. Maybe, a visit to Jyothir mutt in Badrinath where we were living with Gnanananda could strike the right note to open my mind to my previous birth and my association with him.

   "The Guru pada pooja on Gnanananda aradhana day and the Ayyappa jyothi in the siddhar peetam was a great experience for me. When Swami did kumba kalasa pooja at the foot of eighteen steps and then went up to Ayyappa sanctum, stood on top of the 18 steps, materialized a sandalwood paste ball and threw it on to the Thiruvachi, the ball falling sharp on the lotus feet of Lord Ayyappa, all these events made a deep impression in my mind. At this time, a bolt of energy, like low voltage electricity broke open from my mooladhara area and slowly started moving up and then hit the sahasrara. Then I felt a thousand split points of electricity like pins start to prick my entire head region. An unusual energy charged my hand region. My whole body became red hot making me dehydrated. This energy existed for nearly 15 minutes. It was bliss, subtie and soft.

   "Such experiences I have been able to capture and store and when I do dhyana, I get to have Divine Mother Swami's energy coming to me. I cannot describe this experience but I definitely know, it is the Divine Mother Swami within me awakening my consciousness.

   "When Swami told me about his dream, it was another divine experience. The Divine Mother, who never sleeps, getting a dream about me meeting Sathya Sai Baba in a personal interview and later conveying this back to Swami was a great event in my life. Even more, when Swami changed my name to Kaathyayani, I was thrilled. I felt like a person reborn into the spiritual world with a name given by the Divine Mother Herself. Later when Swami explained to me the meaning of the name, it was even more exciting. The name signifies a person waiting to finally merge within the Lord after a long penance. The Divine Mother Parvathi Herself adorned the name, when she took birth as a mortal and strived Her way back to Lord Siva through spiritual practices, mainly by seva through annadhanam in Kashi, before she was united with the Lord. In this meeting with Swami, he asked me to meet him again on 29th April.

   "The April 29th meeting with Swami was another great day in my life. I did not get any specific message from Baba at the personal interview given to me in Prashanthi Nilayam. When I met Swami on 29th, he got the message directly from Baba. The Divine Mother swung into action and started giving his blessings by holding my hand. An indescribable energy flowed into me. The contact might have lasted for about 10 minutes. I don't know, because when the energy started flowing, I went into a blissful and calm trance and lost touch with my physical being and the surroundings. Later, I felt like I was floating weightless without the heaviness of the body. This whole experience lasted for nearly ten hours. Later Swami charged my crystal pendulum which I use when I practice Reiki. In the night, the Divinity permitted me to do Reiki on Him which itself was an experience. I did not sleep for nearly 24 hours and yet, I felt fresh as though I got up from a sound sleep. Next day, Swami specially blessed me and increased my Reiki practicing energy.

   "Already I was brimful with the Divine Mother's energy, when suddenly I received a message from Swami asking me to come to Bombay as Kalyana Bagavathi, carrying the Meru. My joy knew no bounds when Swami blessed me with this opportunity. Fortunately I did not seek a reason. I decided to simply enjoy the blessing and the bliss which started flowing without any interruption.

   "All the poojas in Bombay were out of the world experiences. During the last pooja at Bombay on a Friday, my body was benumbed, like a stone while Lalitha sahasranamam was being chanted. Initially the whole body ached, still I continued to hold on to the reverberating energy. I started feeling absolute bliss, my body becoming like jelly. I was in that state for nearly an hour when Swami started singing a Kalyana Bagavathi song which is one of my favourite songs. I became very emotional and it really enhanced my spiritual charge. Mostly, I get lost in the song even though I do not understand the exact meaning of the words. I always get the feeling of merging with the one, Swami Bagavathi, the Divine Mother. At this stage, I desperately try to cling on to Her without losing the state of bliss. At this stage, some sort of heat started developing from my mooladhara chakra area and slowly engulfed my entire benumbed body. There was a feeling of me becoming like a small dot zooming back and forth in a big substance like the universe. Then within me, I get the jyothir darshan very much like the photo Swami has given to all of us, which is a wholesome wonderful crimson red bright light in the dark blue background. I cannot explain in words, but I was in a state of complete fullness. I felt I was part of the jyothi. This must have lasted for more than thirty minutes, because I was not sure of what was happening to me, even after the pooja was over and everyone was doing pada namaskar after aarathi until someone came and tapped me to tell me Swami was waiting for me. What can I say, I wish I continued without having to come back to the regular world.

   "Later, when Swami asked me how I felt, I could not express anything because the experience had benumbed my thought process leaving me blissfully happy. Once again, this experience occurred when Swami entrusted me with the honorable responsibility of bringing Kalyana Bagavathi in the form of the Maha Meru Sri Chakra to the peetam along with a big white conch. Relatively, the intensity was lesser because of Swami's absence.

   "This awareness, this awakening, this experience is blissful, joyful and is happiness for me. I do not know how to term this. But, I definitely know it is divine energy because when I experience it, I am blissfully happy and empty. Right now it happens now and then. I want this to be a continuous feeling without breaking into the regular thought process. I am not in a hurry and am willing to wait till it happens. One of the best things I have learned from Swami is that there is always a right time and a right place for anything to happen in life. Right now, I am very grateful that the Divine Mother Swami is a part of my life and I pray he guides my every step further to ultimately merge with the Divine Mother."